Anger

With regular meditation my mind has become clearer in so many ways. I no longer question my intuition. My sense of precision and mental aptitude is lucid. Things about myself have become apparent but I can no longer lull in the bliss of ignorance now that I am aware. Some of my experiences have been quite profound, to the point of remembering a previous life. And in this realisation I have a better understanding of my purpose in this life.

What I didn’t expect is the borage of emotions that would follow. The one that stands out most for me is the anger. For the past few weeks I have experienced a sense of anger that is uncharacteristic. I couldn’t understand where this was coming from. Work has been busy but not enough to make me feel like this. Then that awareness popped up again and it all fell into place, it made sense. It all made sense, my whole life.

At first I was filled with overwhelming sadness to realise my past existence, a soldier during one of the Great Wars. I was very young and died a horrible tragic death, as did most of my friends and thousands of others. It was all so unnecessary. I died before I had the chance to fulfil that life’s purpose. My lack of prosperity in that life meant that I had so much more to do this time around. Unfortunately it has taken nearly half of this lifetime to get to this point and I know that I simply cannot complete all that I have to do in the time left for this physical body. I have to come back, again. I was so angry, so very angry. How could I let this happen? How could I let time slip by like this? I don't want to have to come back.

But it is not up to me. Call it divine intervention, Mother Earth, the Goddess, whichever, I am exactly where I need to be. So with this I have been able to move forward and breathe, let go of the intensity and let it be. It has been an amazing experience, remembering, and the roller coaster of emotions – it is good to feel, as it is truly living.

Vitality

I love 6am Friday morning yoga class. However, I noticed my energy is often lagging. The end of the work week and another early start begins to show on my vitality. It became obvious to me that I rarely do or even want to do full Chaturanga. I steer clear of Vasisthasana (side plank) in its full pose and opt for the safer modification. And Wheel is a last minute challenge I can't bear the thought of.

But how much of this mind set, this attitude, is merely a thought pattern that I can change?

Last week the thought occurred to me that maybe I feel this way because I always think this is how I feel. My mind anticipates it so my body expects and reacts in exactly this way. Yet another example of the power of the mind!

Next week I will try to reverse this thought process and be completely in the moment. If I can do this, I will be able to perform the poses the way my body feels and not my mind. If I don't try I won't further my practice and if I fall out of the pose it really doesn't matter because this is yoga.

Connection

About three months ago, I put myself on a strict ten day detox program. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I knew something had to change and it had to start with me. It was challenging but the rewards were worth it. I felt revitalised, energised and in touch with my inner self again. It was wonderful.

My meditations were becoming clearer and it was easier to connect to my spirit guides. My intuition was strong, I was feeling more aligned to my spirituality than ever before. This was how I wanted to feel all the time, not just when I was being extra meticulous or as a result of exhaustion.

It only took a couple of weeks of work dinners and birthday celebrations for my efforts to feel unravelled. Even my modest contribution of drinking at parties was enough to make me feel disconnected, not to mention awful the next day. My eating habits were erratic and unhealthy, and my meditations suffered. I noticed my moods began to swing, I became less tolerable of silly things, and this is all because my footing slipped off my destined path. It is so easy to lose the connection.

I have spent many days sitting on the grass to reconnect to Mother Earth. I feel lighter and healthier as I recapture my normal eating patterns. My meditations are less stilted, and a sense of calm is once again filling my senses. It can be hard to keep a busy schedule in check but therein lies the challenge, to keep our connection to oneness.