Breath

Gustav Klimt, Philosophy (1900)

It’s the elixir of life. Without it we cannot exist.

Most of us breathe without thinking about it. If we slow the breath down and consciously breathe - deeply, deliberately with each inhale and each exhale the benefits become apparent. The mind begins to calm, the heartbeat becomes more rhythmic and the panic disappears.

Fight and flight is a normal bodily response to situations of discomfort. But living in the 21^st Century with everything and everyone moving so much faster we bring this auto-mechanism response on more often than necessary causing us to feel stressed. Overstressed and exhausted. Burnt out and depressed.

Meditation helps us become aware of these situations before they get out of control, before they take control and create anguish and distress.

Anger

With regular meditation my mind has become clearer in so many ways. I no longer question my intuition. My sense of precision and mental aptitude is lucid. Things about myself have become apparent but I can no longer lull in the bliss of ignorance now that I am aware. Some of my experiences have been quite profound, to the point of remembering a previous life. And in this realisation I have a better understanding of my purpose in this life.

What I didn’t expect is the borage of emotions that would follow. The one that stands out most for me is the anger. For the past few weeks I have experienced a sense of anger that is uncharacteristic. I couldn’t understand where this was coming from. Work has been busy but not enough to make me feel like this. Then that awareness popped up again and it all fell into place, it made sense. It all made sense, my whole life.

At first I was filled with overwhelming sadness to realise my past existence, a soldier during one of the Great Wars. I was very young and died a horrible tragic death, as did most of my friends and thousands of others. It was all so unnecessary. I died before I had the chance to fulfil that life’s purpose. My lack of prosperity in that life meant that I had so much more to do this time around. Unfortunately it has taken nearly half of this lifetime to get to this point and I know that I simply cannot complete all that I have to do in the time left for this physical body. I have to come back, again. I was so angry, so very angry. How could I let this happen? How could I let time slip by like this? I don't want to have to come back.

But it is not up to me. Call it divine intervention, Mother Earth, the Goddess, whichever, I am exactly where I need to be. So with this I have been able to move forward and breathe, let go of the intensity and let it be. It has been an amazing experience, remembering, and the roller coaster of emotions – it is good to feel, as it is truly living.

Vitality

I love 6am Friday morning yoga class. However, I noticed my energy is often lagging. The end of the work week and another early start begins to show on my vitality. It became obvious to me that I rarely do or even want to do full Chaturanga. I steer clear of Vasisthasana (side plank) in its full pose and opt for the safer modification. And Wheel is a last minute challenge I can't bear the thought of.

But how much of this mind set, this attitude, is merely a thought pattern that I can change?

Last week the thought occurred to me that maybe I feel this way because I always think this is how I feel. My mind anticipates it so my body expects and reacts in exactly this way. Yet another example of the power of the mind!

Next week I will try to reverse this thought process and be completely in the moment. If I can do this, I will be able to perform the poses the way my body feels and not my mind. If I don't try I won't further my practice and if I fall out of the pose it really doesn't matter because this is yoga.

Connection

About three months ago, I put myself on a strict ten day detox program. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I knew something had to change and it had to start with me. It was challenging but the rewards were worth it. I felt revitalised, energised and in touch with my inner self again. It was wonderful.

My meditations were becoming clearer and it was easier to connect to my spirit guides. My intuition was strong, I was feeling more aligned to my spirituality than ever before. This was how I wanted to feel all the time, not just when I was being extra meticulous or as a result of exhaustion.

It only took a couple of weeks of work dinners and birthday celebrations for my efforts to feel unravelled. Even my modest contribution of drinking at parties was enough to make me feel disconnected, not to mention awful the next day. My eating habits were erratic and unhealthy, and my meditations suffered. I noticed my moods began to swing, I became less tolerable of silly things, and this is all because my footing slipped off my destined path. It is so easy to lose the connection.

I have spent many days sitting on the grass to reconnect to Mother Earth. I feel lighter and healthier as I recapture my normal eating patterns. My meditations are less stilted, and a sense of calm is once again filling my senses. It can be hard to keep a busy schedule in check but therein lies the challenge, to keep our connection to oneness.

Euphoria

Ever notice how the energy of a crowd can be so electric that it is contagious? This is most often felt at sporting events. The crowd roars with excitement and you find yourself caught up in the momentum, standing out of your seat, cheering and clapping. It is amazing. It is euphoric.

Yoga can have a similar feeling of ecstasy. The energy of the group is powerful and can change your sentiment from when you first walked into the class. This can swing either way. Some classes I have attended contained a general feeling of heaviness, lacking in energy and enthusiasm. You can almost hear everyone scream with relief as we move into final resting pose of savasana. This seems to be more typical around the festive season when late nights, parties, high carbohydrates and sugar laden food along with too much alcohol are all too prevalent.

In contrast, I have also experienced many amazing and breathtaking classes that are strong and consistently flow with unison. These are by far my favourite, of course, and one of the main reasons why I continue to practice. But it stands to reason that the group energy can be all of these things. We don't outwardly think about what the group or anyone else is doing. The purpose of yoga is to go within and focus on your own individual practice. If everyone in the room does exactly that, concentrates on their breathing and moving with flow, the results are euphoric.

Awareness

Being truly aware of who we are and how we feel can be one of the most difficult things we will ever try do. Having the patience to slow down the incessant mind chatter, to allow our bodies to feel – and nothing else, can be incredibly confronting.

We live in a society where we constantly blur our minds and fill our bodies with chemicals that hinder the ability to allow us to be aware of what we are feeling. Too much coffee, alcohol and processed foods with their additives all contribute to changing our perception or altering how we feel. This may be done consciously or unconsciously, but the fact remains that we continue to alter our natural state of being.

Yoga teachers often talk about being in the moment, to breathe and feel the posture rather than try to force the body into position. I know from my own personal practice that if I take a few moments before class to sit quietly and breathe my practice will be so much stronger. I may not always do advanced poses, but it isn’t necessary if the posture and flow are done correctly, an immense workout can still be achieved.

By taking that awareness and listening to how the body feels we are honouring it. The mind, body, emotional and spiritual elements unite to flow.

Unresolved feelings

Meditation has been a part of my daily ritual for a while now. It is so very interesting to observe the changes that have become apparent over the recent months. There are times when I struggle to sit through ten minutes and times when I emerge after twenty or thirty minutes of energised bliss. My mind can be busy, even at 6.00am. But without it, I feel the cracks around the edges begin to surface. I become irritable, anxious and easily frustrated.

Lately these feelings of anxiety and frustration have been more apparent, even with regular meditation. I began to realise that these feelings have arisen because they are unresolved. Emotions of undealt with past history – they are dangerous and destructive. Perhaps I thought that I had dealt with them but really I had not; or I swept them into the closet hoping they would be forever locked away; or the universe is clearing unnecessary clutter for me.

I am grateful these fragmented emotions have been brought to my attention. This is an amazing self-learning experience and an opportunity to grow. Without admittance and closure to these emotions I am preventing myself from advancing, from being open to receive the goodness that is waiting. But how does one progress? The only way forward that I can truly see is through meditation. Meditation. And more meditation. Giving forgiveness where necessary, accepting circumstances as they are and letting go.

Certainly this will not be an easy task and who knows how long it will take to complete. I think it will be enriching but most of all it is essential.