Uninspired

The Scream, Edvard Munch, 1893

I was completely knocked off my feet by a horrible virus. I couldn’t get out of bed for two days and it lingered for weeks. Even today, I had to take a mid-afternoon nanna nap as I just can’t shake this feeling of exhaustion.

On top of that, I feel completely uninspired. I usually find it pretty easy to find something to say, something to write about – ideas normally float out of my imagination daily. But not at the moment. This exhaustion has impacted me physically and mentally. It was as if my body decided it was time for me to stop, completely stand still and take time out for myself.

On a positive note, uni has finished for the year and I am winding up at work ready for a well deserved vacation. I plan to watch as much tv as I can, sit in my garden and meditate. And of course practice as much yoga that feels healthy. Hopefully my inspiration will return.

Sunday bliss

Norman Lindsay, The Blue Hat 1948

Sunday's are great. Sleep ins, indulgent breakfasts, midday yoga, lazy afternoons.

I particularly like lazy afternoons, under a tree watching the branches and leaves sway gently in the breeze. Reading a book. Maybe a movie lounging on the sofa. Or Sunday evening cocktails with friends. Sunday transitions the week between last week and the new week ahead. The unknown. Sunday's are bliss.

Negativity

Edward Burne-Jones, The Wheel of Fortune, 1875-1883

I have been without internet access or a home phone connection for almost three weeks, until now. It was amazing to see how much I have become reliant on technology. I pretty much use the internet every day, whether it's to post here on my blog, research for uni, check out the weather or what's on tv.

What was really interesting was how irritated I felt when things did not go according to my plan and I did not receive the support and service I thought I should. I was already suffering from a flu virus which didn't help matters. Not only was I irritable, I was rude to people trying to help me.

Is it that our expectations are too high, or is it that our service industry is lacking? I have always thought it was the latter. Maybe this is the case but it does not excuse rude behaviour, even if the other person was rude first. I felt awful for being so horrible and demanding, even though I had already apologised the damage had been done. The bad energy was already out there. It was unnecessary and out of character for me.

The negative energy I created was wasted energy. It stores in the body and becomes toxic. Many health practitioners believe this is where most of our modern ailments arise from. And it is not surprising if this is the society we have developed for ourselves to live in. It is far easier, and kinder for everyone, to take a deep breath and accept the situation. Not always easy to do but something I will try to remember.

It's a journey

Last week was tough. Long hours at work, no time for a yoga practice, not much time for study and on top of all that I didn’t feel well. It was an emotional week.

My Sunday ritual of attending yoga pulled me through to new levels of experience. I was unsure of my energy levels walking in so allowed myself to settle in with an enjoyable pre-class meditation. We ease into the rhythm with lots of breathing exercises, a nice way to start. My focus and breathing is pretty good. I feel ok without pushing too hard. As we move into standing poses, Dancers, I hold the asana with ease. I feel great, this one is always a challenge and I can hold the pose for the duration, slowly going deeper and deeper.

Suddenly I am overcome. I recognise the feeling, any hot room practitioner knows it. Waves of nausea rushing the blood down from the top of your head, leaving a sick feeling. Oh no. Oh yes this was happening! Ok, I decide I need to let it happen. I take Childs pose and accept what I am feeling. My body was detoxifying and shedding unnecessary toxins. The emotions from the previous week had built up and needed to be released. And this was the perfect way for it to happen. I felt so relieved, like a burden had lifted.

I am so grateful for my yoga practice and the amazing journey it takes me on.

Chakra's

A few days ago I had a sudden urge to learn more about Chakra's. It's something I have been interested in for a long time but sometimes we are just not ready to embrace a new idea. I can only think this was true for me as I have this little pocket book about Chakra's, a simpleton's guide, and I have never been able to digest any of its content. Until now. I read it, I devoured it. Finally, it made sense!

Instinctively, I knew which of my Chakra's was open and which ones needed work. A friend suggested I do some meditation on them all, cleansing each sphere to allow growth and development. I had never tried meditating on my Chakra's before so I was surprised at how easily I slipped into a visualisation of each colour spinning in its relative position. I used the sun and the moon for ying and yang, masculine and feminine energy to revitalise all my spheres.

It felt amazing. It felt right. There is still more work to do, but I feel that I can now approach this with more confidence and hopefully more regularly.

Gratitude

Symbol of Gratitude

When I stop to think about the things I am grateful for I feel humbled. I no longer worry. I no longer feel the need to fill my life with materialistic possessions, or as I like to refer to it as ‘stuff’.

Gratitude is powerful. It creates a sense of calm. Being thankful for the goodness in our lives takes the focus away from the negative. It is much easier to deliberate over destructive events and behaviours. We all experience them and at times they can be overwhelming. It is especially during these difficult times that gratitude carries its deepest meaning.

A few weeks back I began writing a worry diary. Every day I write ‘Today I worried about…’ Some days I worry lots. Some days I worry about silly things. Nevertheless, worry is negative energy that manifests itself into greater disappointments. At the same time I began a grateful diary. Every day I write ‘Today I am grateful for…’ And again, some days I have lots to be grateful about and others not so much.

I now seriously think about things that I worry about and realise they don’t deserve so much attention. Instead, I am grateful for my health, yoga, the rain, the full moon. My awareness is more centred and I am now truly grateful for the simple things in my life.

Presence

Lady Lilith, Dante Gabriel Rossetti 1868

Sunday yoga is like my own personal religion. I make it a habit to go each week and the varying times in classes means that I can usually fit it in around social commitments. Yesterday I consciously decided that the class would be about me. I don’t mean that in an egotistical manner but rather that I would not look at or worry what other practitioners were doing. I would keep the focus on my breath and each breath would flow with movement. By the time the class was almost over, I did not want it to be. I honestly felt that this was exactly where I wanted to be, where I should be.

By staying present in the moment, in each breath, in each asana, I connected to my vinyasa and was able to flow. I opened my heart and my mind, pushing a little bit further in some poses and in others recognising fatigue. Maybe it was the the full moon or inclement weather that allowed me to be so present. Regardless, herein lies the ultimate challenge in yoga as we struggle to switch off the mind chatter, ignore the surrounding sights and sounds and just be.